A 34 Step Guide On How To Remove Stage Makeup (As Told By Someone Who Does Not Have Much Makeup Experience)

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  1. Look in the mirror. 
  2. Frown.
  3. Grab some coconut oil, and coat your face in a thick layer of it.
  4. Seriously. Smear it on. Let it sink into your skin. Eat it. Shove it up your nose. Pour it in your eye sockets.
  5. Once you are successfully coated in coconut oil, take about 17 weird little cotton circle things and 
  6. GET SCRUBBING
  7. but gently cause ouch skin is sensitive
  8. You'll probably be coated in a thick enough layer of foundation/blush/other makeup stuff that I don't know the words for, that you might need to use more coconut oil. 
  9. And more weird little cotton circle things.
  10. Once you've got the majority of the gunk on your face off, it's time for
  11. EYES.
  12. This is actually the worst. thing. ever. 
  13. Okay, eye shadow is pretty easy to get off, actually. Coconut oil all over your eyelids.
  14. Wipe it off GENTLY with the weird little cotton circle things.
  15. Now, mascara. 
  16. You've probably used that intensely waterproof stuff, because sweat. 
  17. Unfortunately, that intensely waterproof stuff is also slightly expired, and a pain to get off. 
  18. Who even
  19. Can you guys tell that I get sidetracked too easily to write step by step guides
  20. ANYWAys
  21. Sometime around the eye makeup removal stage, you should probably admire your hair. I always do.
  22. Coat your eyelashes in coconut oil, because coconut oil does everything. 
  23. I usually stab myself in the eye during this part, but you can try to skip that.
  24. So then just sort of try really hard to wipe it off. Pull on your eyelashes a bit?
  25. I don't know. This part is hard.
  26. Once you feel you have done a good enough job, squirt witch hazel on a weird cotton circle thing.
  27. Wipe that good, drying, witch hazel all over your face.
  28. Yes. That's nice.
  29. Hop in the shower.
  30. Be impressed by how hairsprayed your hair was.
  31. After showering, look in the mirror. Wow. Why is there still makeup all over?
  32. Repeat steps 2-6.
  33. More witch hazel?
  34. Give up. Go to bed.

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